i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
