Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And then he peed in my hair
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
