i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
