Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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