I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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