After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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