Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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