She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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