Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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