I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
