i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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