Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize