Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
