This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
