turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize