i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
