Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
