saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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