so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
