I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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