I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize