if only i could text you this smell
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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