So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
