sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
