this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
