guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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