Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
