I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
