Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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