I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this will be a night to untag.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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