Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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