Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize