So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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