I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
