She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
