There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
