every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
