Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
