Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
