peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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