OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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