In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
