Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
