i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
