I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
