Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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