I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
