Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
