Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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