he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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