And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
