It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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