I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
