I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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