I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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