she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
