At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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