I wish my penis had an off switch
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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