508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize