so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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