there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
