do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
