during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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