yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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