You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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