guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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