His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
