Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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