Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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