Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
